I Love You, Goodbye
by Dragoni
Summary: SongFic. Shounen ai. 1+2. Heero does what he feels is best for Duo.


Title:I Love You, Goodbye  
Author: Dragoni  
Parts/Complete: Complete  
Song: "I Love You, Goodbye" by Celine Dion  
Pairings: 2+1  
Disclaimers: ^_^; I don't own the G-boys. I don't own the song.  
Warnings: Songfic... shounen ai  
Notes:  
~...~ - Song lyrics  
"..." - Spoken  
/.../ - Thoughts  
  
Heero lay awake in bed, gently wrapped in his passionate lover's strong arms. Warm breath curled gently around his ear, relaxing him without conscious thought as he waited for the braided pilot to fall asleep. Closing his eyes, he focused on his own breathing, evening it to give the appearance of slumber.  
  
~Wish I could be the one,~  
~The one who could give you love~  
~The kind of love you really need~  
  
Eventually, he felt the arms around him loosen slightly. A slight whispering snore told him the exhausted American had finally fallen asleep. Wriggling around, he turned to face his partner.  
  
Brushing the bangs aside, he gazed at Duo's peaceful face. The eternal joker's mask was dispelled for the night, leaving him looking like a lost child, a faint smile ghosted on the pouting lips. Harsh purple circles outlined his eyes, the result of too many recent night missions.  
  
~Wish I could say to you~  
~That I'll always stay with you~  
~But baby, that's not me~  
  
/Beautiful fallen angel.../ He had hardly been able to believe it when Duo had kissed him. He had longed for the noisy American for so long...! But he had never made a move. Inexperience, fear... Yes, he could admit that to himself now. He had feared the unknown that he knew would follow any move he chose to make. But another kind of fear, hidden and insidious, ruled his movements now.  
  
They called him the perfect soldier. What did they know? If he were perfect, he'd never have let this happen. He never would have given in to his enthusiastic partner. He gently kissed the smaller boy's forehead, his mind a jumble of emotions. From his deep sleep, Duo whimpered slightly, pressing reflexively into Heero's embrace. Heero sighed, grasping the smaller boy in a brief hug.  
  
Emotions! How he hated them. They took the black and white out of life, colored it with not only greys but with millions of shades of colors. Normally, he could handle them, simply shoving them to the back of his consciousness, as he had been conditioned to.  
  
~You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you~  
~Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do~  
  
He generally refused his emotions, favoring instead the clear soldier's mind. Closing his eyes, he shoved his feelings away again, clinically reviewing the situation he was in. He did not know why the American had chosen him. All of the other pilots were kinder, more emotional.  
  
And Duo was... irrepressible at the worst of times. Damnably attractive at his best. He could have chosen any one of them. The braided one's choice was horribly illogical.  
  
~Oh, I could say that I'll be all you need~  
~But that would be a lie~  
~I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry~  
  
He sighed again, having been over this thought in his mind innumerable times in the past few hours. He switched to a different track. The horrible knowledge that this encounter... this relationship could not last tore at his heart.  
  
With a grimace, he buried the pain again. It was true, though. He was... attached to the young American. Attachments made one vulnerable in battle. He was not blind to his own ways. He knew how he would act, no matter how he wished it were otherwise.  
  
~I'm not the one you're needing...~  
~I love you, goodbye~  
  
He was never trained to be human. He sure as *hell* was not going to start now, in the middle of a war they had no choice but to win. And after tonight...  
  
A chill ran through his body. He knew with a sick certainty that his cold ways would hurt the exuberant American. No, this relationship could never work. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Duo. And he knew he would. It was his nature.  
  
~I hope some day you can~  
~Find some way to understand~  
~I'm only doing this for you~  
~I don't really want to go~  
~But deep in my heart I know~  
~This is the kindest thing to do~  
  
With a final, lingering kiss on the full, perfect lips beside him, Heero slipped out of the other's warm embrace. He stopped only to don his usual spandex shorts and olive tanktop.  
  
The door creaked quietly as he opened it, and he darted a glance at the still form on the bed. Seeing no change the slow, steady breathing, he left.  
  
~You'll find someone will be the one that I could never be~  
~Give you something better than the love you'll find with me~  
~Oh, I could say that I'll be all you need~  
~But that would be a crime~  
~I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry~  
  
"Ai shiteru, Duo." The words were barely whispered in the still hallway. He pressed his ear to the door, making sure the American still slept. Hearing nothing to tell him otherwise, he slipped down the hallway of their latest safehouse.  
  
Duo would find someone else. He was so wonderful... there was no way he could not. He'd find a soulmate, Heero was certain. Someone who would be able to return the joy and affection Duo so freely gave. He believed it as firmly as he knew that he was not that one.  
  
~I'm not the one you're needing~  
~I love you, goodbye~  
  
The dark stillness of the forest was pleasant to Heero's senses. He nonchalantly strolled through the leaves, as if every teenager to walked through the woods at night, hopefully throwing off any Oz tails that he may have picked up.  
  
Finally arriving at his destination, a transformation took place. The false carelessness was thrown aside, revealing the intense soldier beneath. Glancing clinically around the slight clearing, he dove beneath the camouflage that concealed his Gundam.  
  
~Leaving someone~  
~When you love someone~  
~It's the hardest thing to do~  
~When you love someone as much as I love you~  
  
Safely inside the cockpit, he opened his laptop, the bright screen mocking the deadly turmoil lying beneath the soldier's calm facade. A silent tear slid down his cheek, and he wondered vaguely where it came from. It couldn't be his own. Heero did not cry.  
  
He raised a hand to wipe it away, but stopped, letting it continue its lonely journey as he addressed an email to one of Duo's many addresses. The wetness was strangely comforting. Refusing to break down, even in a letter, the message was short. And final. Heero was leaving on another mission. He would not return.  
  
~Oh, I don't wanna leave you~  
~Baby, it tears me up inside.~  
~But I'll never be the one you needed~  
~I love you, goodbye~  
  
Clicking on send, he logged in to his mission account, accepting a mission he had been reading the previous night, before he got... distracted... by his beautiful, expressive partner.  
  
Another tear appeared. Feeling his hard-won self-control slip, Heero closed the laptop and secreted it behind his chair.  
  
A third salty drop joined the others. It quickly became a deluge as he curled up inside the cold machine, giving in to the feelings of despair that washed over him. He cried himself into restless sleep, plagued by dreams of violet eyes and long, soft chestnut hair.  
  
~Baby, it's not gonna work out~  
~I love you, goodbye~  
  
Owari 


End file.
